Review of The Threesome Handbook
Dec. 30th, 2013 11:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightly_litWell ... all right, because I know there are a lot of people out there who are curious but afraid to get their hands on a copy, I guess it's time to break down and review (time to cover your eyes if you're prude--or if there are things about Misha you really don't want to know!)-- Misha's wife Vicki Vantoch's book "The Threesome Handbook," which I received quite unexpectedly from a fellow SPN/Misha fan for Christmas.
First off, if you're reading the book for details about what Misha's like in the sack, you'll be disappointed ... whereas I suppose if you're reading it fearing you'll learn too much about that, you'll probably also be disappointed/traumatized. (I SOOO wanted to use my "pornographic pictures of Misha" tag for this review, but that would be misleading, alas.) Which is all to say, she does a remarkable job of keeping most specific mentions of her husband out of the book considering she says straight out that this is a thing they do as a couple ... but at the same time, it's impossible not to read between the lines when she talks frankly about various activities she or "men" or "her partners" particularly enjoy, she seems to have a great deal of first-hand knowledge of a particular thing ... you get the picture.
When I opened the present, I was initially kind of stunned/horrified. I don't consider myself squeamish talking about sex, and I can read extremely graphic fic with no trouble. I knew this book existed, but I had never imagined actually seeing a copy, much less owning one. The whole threesome concept had always seemed to me fun in a fic but unrealistic/out-there in reality. Frankly, to the degree I'd ever seriously contemplated the whole subject, I'd always figured jealousy or physics or incompatible sexual orientations (two straight same-sex participants, for example) would kill it in reality, and here is where the book is most successful: Vantoch is straightforward, thorough, and realistic about the whole thing enough to not only make you able to wrap your mind around the idea but also to normalize it.
After putting it far away from my bed and avoiding glancing at it for a couple of days, I finally decided to just get it over with and have a look, and after a few groans and cringey moments, it soon stopped seeming weird and just seemed fun and interesting. Be forewarned, though: she uses pretty raw language (I suppose there's no point in trying to be delicate when writing such a book) and talks VERY frankly about all manner of sex acts, which can be jarring when you first pick it up.
The aforementioned illustrations are one of the best things about the book. Simple but straightforward line drawings, the artist somehow manages to say so much with so little, particularly with what serves as "facial expressions," usually just a little squiggle of a mouth. Seriously, this artist is talented. The drawings somehow manage to be simultaneously porny, cute, and diagrammatic. (I'd also like to give a shoutout to the cover art, which is a photograph of a man, a woman, and an androgynous figure from the back. You stare at it mesmerized, going, "Is it male? Female? Both? Neither?")
The book can get kind of repetitive, and it seems weighted far more toward couples seeking a third than toward singles and their side of the coin, but all in all, it's a good book. When I saw the cover online and the small-potatoes publisher, I was afraid it would be some low-rent pulp crap with bad art and printing and little editing, but it's actually a quality product with nice paper and fonts and is pretty well-written. (One of the book's silly little pleasures is seeing how many different hilarious ways she can come up with to refer to parts of the anatomy or activities, presumably just to avoid using the same terms over and over again--some of what she comes up with are pretty ridiculous, though I've heard worse.)
Also, I found the whole trolling-bars-looking-to-pick-someone-up section off-putting, to be honest--exactly as off-putting as I and so many people find it when on the receiving end of some sleazy pickup. So, that part got weird, and I haven't been able to bring myself to read the whole section about all the details of how it's actually accomplished, from lube to toys to accoutrements, because it's VERY graphic (if it helps you to know this, she says in the acknowledgements that Misha was always supportive but not very happy she was writing it :-] ), but the parts about what she sees as the benefits, the realities of the emotional aspect, and the reasons she wrote the book and how she and Misha got into it in the first place are all quite interesting. I admire her for having the courage to publish it under her own name, which she says she debated a lot, and for 'coming out' about this; that can't have been easy. There's got to be a well-crafted manual on the subject out there, and good for her for being the one to write it!
To sum up, if you are interested in threesomes, polyamory, alternative sexual/relationship configurations, or even just in writing realistically about these things, I'd say this is your go-to resource.
First off, if you're reading the book for details about what Misha's like in the sack, you'll be disappointed ... whereas I suppose if you're reading it fearing you'll learn too much about that, you'll probably also be disappointed/traumatized. (I SOOO wanted to use my "pornographic pictures of Misha" tag for this review, but that would be misleading, alas.) Which is all to say, she does a remarkable job of keeping most specific mentions of her husband out of the book considering she says straight out that this is a thing they do as a couple ... but at the same time, it's impossible not to read between the lines when she talks frankly about various activities she or "men" or "her partners" particularly enjoy, she seems to have a great deal of first-hand knowledge of a particular thing ... you get the picture.
When I opened the present, I was initially kind of stunned/horrified. I don't consider myself squeamish talking about sex, and I can read extremely graphic fic with no trouble. I knew this book existed, but I had never imagined actually seeing a copy, much less owning one. The whole threesome concept had always seemed to me fun in a fic but unrealistic/out-there in reality. Frankly, to the degree I'd ever seriously contemplated the whole subject, I'd always figured jealousy or physics or incompatible sexual orientations (two straight same-sex participants, for example) would kill it in reality, and here is where the book is most successful: Vantoch is straightforward, thorough, and realistic about the whole thing enough to not only make you able to wrap your mind around the idea but also to normalize it.
After putting it far away from my bed and avoiding glancing at it for a couple of days, I finally decided to just get it over with and have a look, and after a few groans and cringey moments, it soon stopped seeming weird and just seemed fun and interesting. Be forewarned, though: she uses pretty raw language (I suppose there's no point in trying to be delicate when writing such a book) and talks VERY frankly about all manner of sex acts, which can be jarring when you first pick it up.
The aforementioned illustrations are one of the best things about the book. Simple but straightforward line drawings, the artist somehow manages to say so much with so little, particularly with what serves as "facial expressions," usually just a little squiggle of a mouth. Seriously, this artist is talented. The drawings somehow manage to be simultaneously porny, cute, and diagrammatic. (I'd also like to give a shoutout to the cover art, which is a photograph of a man, a woman, and an androgynous figure from the back. You stare at it mesmerized, going, "Is it male? Female? Both? Neither?")
The book can get kind of repetitive, and it seems weighted far more toward couples seeking a third than toward singles and their side of the coin, but all in all, it's a good book. When I saw the cover online and the small-potatoes publisher, I was afraid it would be some low-rent pulp crap with bad art and printing and little editing, but it's actually a quality product with nice paper and fonts and is pretty well-written. (One of the book's silly little pleasures is seeing how many different hilarious ways she can come up with to refer to parts of the anatomy or activities, presumably just to avoid using the same terms over and over again--some of what she comes up with are pretty ridiculous, though I've heard worse.)
Also, I found the whole trolling-bars-looking-to-pick-someone-up section off-putting, to be honest--exactly as off-putting as I and so many people find it when on the receiving end of some sleazy pickup. So, that part got weird, and I haven't been able to bring myself to read the whole section about all the details of how it's actually accomplished, from lube to toys to accoutrements, because it's VERY graphic (if it helps you to know this, she says in the acknowledgements that Misha was always supportive but not very happy she was writing it :-] ), but the parts about what she sees as the benefits, the realities of the emotional aspect, and the reasons she wrote the book and how she and Misha got into it in the first place are all quite interesting. I admire her for having the courage to publish it under her own name, which she says she debated a lot, and for 'coming out' about this; that can't have been easy. There's got to be a well-crafted manual on the subject out there, and good for her for being the one to write it!
To sum up, if you are interested in threesomes, polyamory, alternative sexual/relationship configurations, or even just in writing realistically about these things, I'd say this is your go-to resource.
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no subject
Date: 2013-12-31 07:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-31 07:14 am (UTC)That's funny that Misha's never been one of your favorite people--I've gone back and forth about him sometimes, but when it comes down to it, I just can't help but adore the guy.
I'll be interested in what you think of the book if you ever do look at it.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 05:02 am (UTC)Glad you dug my review! Let me know what you think if you read it ...
no subject
Date: 2013-12-31 03:31 pm (UTC)I've been so curious about the book but also feeling unusually squeamish about it as well. I had an open relationship when I was married and that was nothing but aggravating so I was so interested to see how they had found a way to make a polyamorous relationship work. Also, Vicki sounds like a really interesting person in her own right so I'd kind of like to read it to find out a little more about her.
I love Misha. He's just so weird. But I am very glad that he's not mentioned really in the book as I don't think about him in that way so I'm glad I won't have to imagine...blecch...anyway.
Thank you for taking one for the team!
I'm curious as to who bought you such a gift...but I'm too polite to ask.
Obviously ; ) x
no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 05:28 am (UTC)Vicki DOES seem really interesting. Actually, I felt like I learned a lot about Misha (some of his weirder behaviors began making more sense when seen through the prism of what his wife is like). He's an enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in zip-up sweaters, and reading this made it feel like a bunch of the pieces fell into place, which is good, because when someone continues to confound me, it makes me nuts! It's funny, though--I find I can't enjoy imagining him like that either. Weird, right?? Maybe because he seems uncomfortable with it.
Baha, taking one for the team. In the context of this book, that takes on a whole different meaning! ;->
My best friend bought it for me. We'd talked about the book before, but it never occurred to me that she'd go so far as to buy it! It'll be useful for writing my latest pornish novel, too, so she was trying to help me out with that, as well ...
no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 11:55 am (UTC)Does he seem uncomfortable with the relationships or just with Vicki writing the book, do you think?
Ahaha, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to pun you! Oh my *blushes* I dread to think.
Well, I guess that's why she's your besty, fun and practical...pornish novel you say! And when can we expect a snippet...*leans chin on hands and stares...and stares* x
no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 11:09 pm (UTC)He seemed quite on board with the relationships; she just says he was less than thrilled that she was
spilling the details of their personal life for public consumptionwriting about them ... which I can really understand. In his position, I would have felt exactly the same--obliged to be supportive of her project, but unhappy with being at least partially its subject. I guess he wasn't famous at all yet, so he could have had no idea that lay in his future, but if I had any inkling I would be, I'd have begged her to release it under a pen name. It was SO cute that he blushed when he talked about it with Larry King ... but seeing as how it's the only thing I've ever seen make him blush, I'm guessing it really bothers him. Poor Misha. :-}hee hee--well, just lately I've been considering e-publishing my earlier (first) pornish novel on Amazon, so you may get to read lots of angsty porn before you know it! ;-D I'm glad to hear you're excited about the idea ....
no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 11:28 pm (UTC)Relationships can be crappy. I'm sorry yours have been....but it's a new year...never say never...: )
I'm always excited to read stuff, esp, pornish stuff and getting published is super exciting to me. I'm a book nerd. I can't help it : ) x
no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 02:39 am (UTC)I will definitely advertise it here on lj if and when I publish that book!
no subject
Date: 2014-02-02 03:43 am (UTC)Thank you for reading this for all of us. This review is also very funny!
no subject
Date: 2014-02-07 04:16 am (UTC)I found it explained a lot about him for me, too, how earthy he is about all kinds of things.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-02 05:11 am (UTC)Isn't it funny sometimes how we fangirls can read the most graphic fanfics, but when faced with details about something that really happened, it can be uncomfortable? I think I'd feel the same way. You did a pretty good job with it, though.
One thing, however: in your last line, you recommend this book for anyone curious about polyamory. But she's not really talking about polyamory, is she? Her book is more about a couple looking for a third for some hot fun, not a dyad looking to create a triad. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with threesome sex, but three lovers committing and building a life together is a whole other subject. It sounds like she hit on the main tenets of polyamory, though: communication, setting and respecting boundaries, and honesty.
So ... are we led to assume that Misha may have "experimented" with other males in the past? I wouldn't much care if he had, but I've got to admit it is a titillating thought. ;)
Again, great review.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-07 04:24 am (UTC)I know, we fans are so funny about fic graphic versus real-life graphic, especially when it's someone you know something about in real life--glad it sounds like I'm not the only one who would feel that way about it ...
In fact, she has an entire chapter about polyamory (which for me was the most interesting part--I'd be way more up for that than just multi-person sex). Actually, when the book was written, they had a three-person relationship they at the time apparently believed would last forever (and who knows, maybe it has, but I'd expect to have heard something about another important person in his life if so; he's not exactly a two-ton safe with details of his personal life). She does urge people who are into that rather than threesomes to read a book specifically about polyamory, but I found what she had to say about it very interesting, especially since she has experience with it.
It seems quite clear that Misha has more than just experimented with other males. ;->
Glad you enjoyed it!