In all honesty, I get astonished whenever someone finds it even remotely surprising that Sam is depressed. Why wouldn't he be? Everything he has ever wanted has been ripped mercilessly from him, a mother, a normal childhood, feelings of security and safety, his beloved fiancee, his own body (vessel for Lucifer), his adored big brother's life and soul, his father, Bobby, his sanity when Cas broke his wall etc etc. Plus, he's had to live with constant guilt; he was tainted by something evil from infancy, was coveted by demons to lead their army, his brother sold his soul and was tortured in hell for him, he trusted Ruby whilst he was so screwed up from grief, he inadvertently broke the final seal and released Lucifer, he killed people when he was brought back without a soul, he thought Dean was dead when Roman exploded (I truly think he didn't look for Dean as he thought there was a strong possibility Dean was in heaven, considering Castiel also vanished) and the trials gave him what he thought was his final chance at redemption. Even that was foiled by poor Dean's all encompassing need for Sam.
I think he was really ready to just let go. Anyone in his circumstances would feel they had done enough. Now he's been possessed by yet another evil angel and it was because he couldn't bear to know that Dean just couldn't go on without him. Dean's love for Sam is absolutely the love a mother feels for a child but it goes so much further than that. His fear of abandonment is so strong it overrides everything else and the blame for that lies wholly on John's shoulders. By doing what he did to Dean he screwed him up for life. Poor Sam only ever wanted what everyone wants, a happy, stable life and to make his way in the world; settle down and have a family of his own but he knows he can't have it. A) because something always goes horribly wrong and B) he knows now that it would kill Dean. I think when you put all of it together, who wouldn't want to jump off the nearest cliff?
Freya922 really has a fabulous grasp on Dean's way of thinking.
Your second to last paragraph almost made me cry because it is absolutely 100 per cent the way things are and it's horribly sad.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2014-01-24 03:15 am (UTC)I think he was really ready to just let go. Anyone in his circumstances would feel they had done enough. Now he's been possessed by yet another evil angel and it was because he couldn't bear to know that Dean just couldn't go on without him. Dean's love for Sam is absolutely the love a mother feels for a child but it goes so much further than that. His fear of abandonment is so strong it overrides everything else and the blame for that lies wholly on John's shoulders. By doing what he did to Dean he screwed him up for life. Poor Sam only ever wanted what everyone wants, a happy, stable life and to make his way in the world; settle down and have a family of his own but he knows he can't have it. A) because something always goes horribly wrong and B) he knows now that it would kill Dean. I think when you put all of it together, who wouldn't want to jump off the nearest cliff?
Freya922 really has a fabulous grasp on Dean's way of thinking.
Your second to last paragraph almost made me cry because it is absolutely 100 per cent the way things are and it's horribly sad.